Im at strip club and am horny
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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