It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
