If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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