apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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