Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
