I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
