First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize