My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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