toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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