May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize