I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
