i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
