Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
