I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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