Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
