Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
