Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
