Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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