If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
