If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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