matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
