if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
