Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize