i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
