whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
