He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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