The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
