he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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