I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
