dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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