Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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