Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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