Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
