We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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