so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
