Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
