There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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