Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
