My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
