dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
