I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
