So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
