the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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