I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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