My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
