About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize