2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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