I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize