The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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