I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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