so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
