I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
