So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
