Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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