we're blogging at a bar
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
