Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
