if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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