Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
