god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
