I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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