she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
