never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
