Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She made me pour olive oil on her.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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