so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
