Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
