Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
