Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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