I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
