So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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