so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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