So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
