Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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