I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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