Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
