3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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