Don't you send me to vm
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize