Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
