yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
