I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
