I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
