Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
