Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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