Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
