Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
