Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
