Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
