so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
