Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pants are for mortals
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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