we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
