smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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