Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize