Your mouth is God's brothel.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
