I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
