Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Shame - the story of my life.
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