Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
