Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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