ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
